It is actually just normal to pay for your own wedding costs. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. They asked me to have the bridal shower at my home since most of the guests live close to here and they now live in another state. All the guests and family are on your side. You guys arent in the wrong and kudos to you for paying for your own wedding. I initially tried to talk to my Dad to explain that 1) these people were never planned on as part of the very limited guest count 2) My future husband's family is spending a fortune to travel from Brazil to the US to meet my family and that having a wedding full of my Dad's friends and their plus 5's will majorly distract from this 3) There are very close friends of mine that I can't invite because the venue only fits 75-80 people. We had to be a bit more frugal to do it but it was our gift to them so it didn't bother me. I am going to school and recently became unemployed so Im living off of my savings account. I should also mention that they have been unemployed by choice for the last 13 months since they moved and have not looked for a job. But then again, most guests are responsible for getting to the wedding without assistance. ._3oeM4kc-2-4z-A0RTQLg0I{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between} Finally it's AITA for not going to my best friend's sister's wedding? Image credits: _Bluenose Girl (not the actual image). "To preface this, we only got engaged about 10 weeks ago and have plans for November 2021, but if there's still issues at the time we'll postpone." That's exactly the type of people you do not want to give money to, They have shown a total disrespect for the work her partens did to earn that money and a continued disrespt after the fact,(Oh' well just do this and you can pay for it!-No! Judgement_Bot_AITA 1 min. Skip to first sitch: 20:03. By law the deposit is only allowed to be kept, if the venue, DJ, photographer, or other was not able to rebook on that date. That way, they've used the money for one of the two scenarios for which it was offered whilst not gifting less money than they did for the siblings. NTA as long as you arent upset if people who live faraway cant attend. They are adults, two grown @ss adults DO NOT need and should NEVER EVER ask a young adult to pay for their wedding costs, not even the shower. Anyhoo)., NTA OP. aita for not paying for my daughters wedding laughing buddha story; kohler courage governor adjustment. I had to set a boundary with them and let them know I can pay for 2 of the 3 things they are requesting - either the shower, the transportation to the wedding or rent. He doesnt like that we arent invited but hes not turning down a free vacation either., After she invited him and his boys and made all the plans and purchased tickets she told him shed pay for their accommodations but he had to help pay for everything else., He barely makes enough money to cover his own bills and his part of our shared bills (mortgage & utilities). (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). There is ALOT of background info with about 6 - 7 years worth of information but the TLDR version is this: Back in September 2016, my mom matched with a person on an old person dating website. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. Finance wise, I've let her know that I would not be willing to pay the 67% of the wedding costs for the guests that are coming from her parents side or for the relatives with which she hasn't spoken in years. That's my question. There is one topic that I see mentioned a lot, that being the 67/33 part. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. We were curious to find out whether situations like this happen often. Yes. The man caused a scene and asked the woman whether she said anything that led him to do this. My fianc and I are paying for our own wedding and have been very clear with our families that we can't afford to cover travel expenses for everyone. Even though this sounds like a great alternative, the parents were quite upset with their daughter spending their $5K on caterers and wedding-related things that they couldnt get back. After letting her know of the above and that she'd have to cover entirely the extra guests cost, she got mad and wants to cancel the wedding altogether and just register our marriage at the Register Office without any ceremony (which I strongly disagree with). Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. We're both financially in a good place, but for the past 3 years I've been earning twice what she makes. AITA? OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My mother thinks I'm being an asshole because I don't want her to bring one of her friends to my wedding. Do this over text and save any and . It's the "don't post to FB" episode. I'll try to digest every input you lovely people gave me! 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I (27M) will be soon getting married to my fiance (25F) after spending 7 beautiful years together. Who on earth expects the bride and groom to pay for their flights? We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{background-color:#fff;box-shadow:0 0 0 1px rgba(0,0,0,.1),0 2px 3px 0 rgba(0,0,0,.2);transition:left .15s linear;border-radius:57%;width:57%}._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS:after{content:"";padding-top:100%;display:block}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-navIconFaded10);border:2px solid transparent;border-radius:100px;cursor:pointer;position:relative;width:35px;transition:border-color .15s linear,background-color .15s linear}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-buttonAlpha10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq{border-width:2.25px;height:24px;width:37.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:19.5px;width:19.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3{border-width:3px;height:32px;width:50px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3 ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:26px;width:26px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD{border-width:3.75px;height:40px;width:62.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:32.5px;width:32.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO{border-width:4.5px;height:48px;width:75px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:39px;width:39px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO{border-width:5.25px;height:56px;width:87.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:45.5px;width:45.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{-ms-flex-pack:end;justify-content:flex-end;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{cursor:default}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{box-shadow:none}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-buttonAlpha10)} Usually, I make up the difference., So he asks if he can get money as a present for his birthday from me and my kids., I told him if he cant even spend his birthday with us (by going up to the vacation site later) then I wouldnt be getting him anything from me and the kids., He said that wasnt fair and I told him it wasnt fair that we were being excluded from his family vacation., AITAH for not getting him anything for his birthday?. Cookie Notice .FIYolDqalszTnjjNfThfT{max-width:256px;white-space:normal;text-align:center} Assuming that you don't weaponize the fact that she misses the wedding. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Especially when backing off is not an option? Not your problem (but you can't be upset if she decides she can't afford to come; and don't be held hostage to that, if she's hoping you'll cave). Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. She has been with her fiance for 10 years, and they are . The parents decided to help out their daughter by giving her $10K for her dream wedding that she already spent half of while planning her big day celebration. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. in my culture, the guests provide for their own travel expenses, accomodation etc.. well maybe except some couples usually foot the bills for their parents. When someone does this, it's time to pick up the phone. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. A lot of users online agreed with the man, stating that she isnt entitled to this money, its seen more as the parents generous offer. "Also likely spread many rumors. But they are not assholes if they won't come as a result. not always. My daughter and I were given a 6 oz. Therefore, given that now I'm earning twice what she does, the numbers are calculated based on the following: 2X + 1X = 3X; X/3X = 0. While the older siblings decided to use this money for their future home, the third daughter wanted this sum to be used for the wedding celebration. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I decided to go against my father's wishes and not invite all of his cousins' kids to my wedding. Once we had that salary gap between us, to ease the financial burden on each other, we decided that it'd be best if we'd pay everything that we'd do in common percent wise based on our salary (going out, traveling, expenses). (33)X; 2X/3X = 0. Some users also suggested some ways out of how they could still save the paid money, but according to OP, that $5K is already a lost cause. She kinda agrees with it being a small wedding, though, she'd like to invite family members with which she hasn't even spoken in years (to quote her: "they're still family overall, it's not nice"). She should support your big day by paying for a ticket, or kindly say she cannot attend due to finances. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. There's the spouse, kids, friends, parents. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. I might be the asshole for not considering her feelings on the matter. Besides that, her parents want to also invite their own friends and work colleagues, which we've never met. NTA. 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